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Are You Crazy or Just Dumb? 5 of the Weirdest Items Confiscated by the TSA

airport security
Spencer Platt/Getty Images

It’s hard to know what to expect when going through airport security. Sometimes you’re able to waltz right through without a second glance. Other times, you find yourself being interrogated for a suspicious used Kleenex in your purse (“Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to check these boogers”). Either way, it’s important to know what’s allowed and not allowed on a plane. For example, a hairbrush? OK. A stun gun disguised as a pink phone? Maybe not.

But I think we can all agree that the TSA tends to get a tad carried away with the searching. I mean, come on. However, perhaps they have good reason. This year alone, the TSA confiscated 821 firearms found in carry-ons; 691 of them were loaded, and 210 were locked and loaded.

Still, that fact shouldn’t come as a surprise, since travelers have been trying to get away with illegal carry-ons and luggage for years — some a bit stranger than others. Here’s a quick look at five of the weirdest things the TSA has confiscated.

  1. The World’s Greatest Dad award definitely doesn’t go to this guy. The TSA confiscated three stuffed animals from a little boy trying to board a flight with his father because they contained pieces of a disassembled gun.
  2. The TSA stopped a man after he passed through a body scanner with an unusual carry-on. They discovered several nylon bags filled with snakes, along with three tortoises stuffed inside the man’s pants. The TSA released a statement that said, “We’ve had it with these motherf*@^ing snakes on this motherf#%!ing plane and these motherf#*^ing turtles in this guy’s motherf#@cking pants!”
  3. Kindles are great, but one downside to them is that you can’t hollow out the inside to store two throwing knives, like this guy did.
  4. You know that dream where you’re standing in front of your class naked? What about that dream where you had to come forward to identify your vibrating sex toy in front of law officials because they thought it was a bomb?
  5. There are generally two main rules when it comes to carry-ons: 1) Liquids cannot exceed 3.4 ounces, and 2) you can’t bring a corpse.

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