BEST OF DEAR ABBY QUESTIONS: My Wife Was Caught On Ashley Madison

Dear Abby:

My wife used the search feature for the Ashley Madison emails and discovered an old account I had signed up for late one night, before we were together. I had forgotten all about it. When she brought it up, I panicked and lied because I was embarrassed, but immediately told her what it was. She was upset, but I explained the situation and that I hadn't even thought about it since we have been together.

Now I feel hurt that she didn't trust me and felt the need to check, using the guise that "some emails were hacked." But she didn't check hers, just mine. I am upset that she checked, as I have never done anything to deserve this. How do I get over it without starting a huge fight? I am now more irritable and closed off, and this is hurting our marriage.

 

-Hurt in PA

Rather than avoid a fight, tell your wife how hurt you are that she felt she needed to check up on you, and insist this be discussed with the help of a licensed marriage counselor so you can both lay your cards on the table. You need to understand why your first instinct was to lie to her, and she needs to level with you about why she felt compelled to see if you were in that database. There are times when a confrontation can be healthy, and this may be one of them.