It has been well documented that I am terrified of spiders.  I don't want 8 hairy legs on me unless I'm at a European strip club.  This is a legit fear and I am made fun of for it all the time.


That's why when I hear about fear of clowns I laugh.  What is so scary about clowns??  Now don't get me wrong, I have seen some clowns that were made to look scary (like in American Horror Story: Freak Show), but clowns in general are not.


People find all sorts of things freaky so I am not here to judge, just to tell my clown story.  The story begins in the late '70's, Halloween of 1979 to be exact.  This is when my life would be changed least that's what I am blaming it on.  You see, my parents dressed me as a clown for Halloween...4 years in a row!


Now days we call that child abuse, but this was the '70's so anything goes.  I'm not looking to sue my parents over this, but I do think this affected my life.  I am now a stand up comedian, and if you know anything about comedy, you would know that is not something a sane person gets into.  Nobody gets into stand up comedy because they want to, they do it because they have to.  It's kind of like being a Bills fan.


Is this why I don't find clowns scary, because I was one?  Is this why I feel the need to embarrass myself and do stupid things to make people laugh?  My guess is the answer is YES to both.  Thanks Mom and Dad.


I love Halloween, and I love the costumes.  Maybe this is why as an adult I like to still dress for the holiday.  In some psychological way I am making up for the years that I didn't have a choice.


Back to my original statement - What is so scary about clowns?  I mean look at this picture.  The scariest thing in the picture is the couch!  I also think the carpet is blue.  This is probably why I have the expression on my face.

4 years of this and it feels like it was yesterday.  I remember getting that Oscar winning makeup job every year.  I have since spent the past 30 something years making up for it.


Now if you saw this adorable clown coming into your house at night would you really be scared??  I would hope so!!  A kid from the '70's shows up at your house dressed like a clown with that look on his face??!!  You do what you have to do!!


I think I finally get it!  Clowns suck!