Getting Ready for Your Mammogram
If you’ve never had a mammogram, you may have some questions: how much radiation am I being subjected to? What if they find something? Are my boobs too big? Are they too small?
The most common question though, at least in my experience, has been “Does it hurt??? It’s like putting your girls in a panini press, right?”
Well, I can say firsthand, the answer is, emphatically, NO. It doesn’t hurt one bit.
Sure, you’ve gotta put your vanity aside for a few seconds while another woman handles your jubblies like they’re a water balloon that’s been sitting in the sun since your kids’ birthday party ended 15 hours ago.
Sure, you’ve gotta stand in a somewhat awkward position (one arm resting up here…the other comfortably on your hip….kinda like an “I’m a Little Teapot” variation) and gaze up at the corner of the room while your hold your breath for about 6 seconds.
Sure, you have to get used to the idea that someone other than your intimate partner is going to be touching your tata…for like 12 seconds total.
But other than that, there’s NOTHING TO IT!
I did see something floating around a bulk email once, that made me chuckle, especially AFTER I had experienced a mammogram. It included things like:
- To prepare, open your refrigerator door and place one breast in between the door and the main box. Close the door. Hold that position for 10 seconds.
- Go to your garage at 2am, lie naked on the cold cement floor, and have a friend slowly back up over your breast until it is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
- Freeze two metal bookends overnight, and, after stripping from the waist up, ask a total stranger over to smash your boob between them. Don’t forget to set an appointment for next year, same time, same place.
While you can giggle about that, I promise you it’s nowhere near as “bad” as those things. But it COULD save your life.
Is 12 seconds of feeling awkward worth your life?
I think so too.