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Predicting The Future – From Behind

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This post begins with a moral: an Internet search can frequently take you far afield of what you originally were looking for. Very far afield.

I was looking for a story about Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger [this story, as it turned out]. But, while searching for Sly and Ahnold, I stumbled over [and it seems like just the right analogy] a branch of the psychic arts that I’d never heard of before.

It turns out Stallone’s mother, Jacqueline Stallone [above], suplements her income by acting as an astrologer and psychic. While learning about the mystic world, she re-discovered a form of prediction that had been lost since ancient Greece and Rome…


Yes, rumpology [and please believe me, I’m not making this up], which claims, among other things,  to predict a person’s future based on the shape and condition of his or her rear end. Sounds loopy at first hearing, but I guess it makes as much sense as palmistry, which offers to predict your future based on the lines and folds in your hand.

Ms Stallone argues that the practice began in ancient times, though, as Wikipedia notes, she offers no real proof. Her understanding of the arcane art is that the left cheek offers insights about your past, the right cheek can predict the future, and the space inbetween [what she calls “the gluteal cleft”] has further insights into who you are and will be [especially if you’re a plumber].

If you’re curious about the whole process [and really, how could you not be?], this article gives Stallone’s explanation of the whole process. You can check out her website on the proceedure here [while you’re there, check out the section titled “Examples”, which offers a series of (tasteful) photographs of rumps she has studied and reported on. The one labelled “Hollywood Action Movie Star, I’m guessing, is Sly’s. Nobody can say “no” to their mom…]

Why am I bringing all this up? I’ll be honest. The thought of predicting the future based on someone’s butt is the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks. I predict I’m not the only person who feels this way. And, no, I didn’t need a mirror to have that revealed to me.

(, jacquelinestall

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