Only in Tonawanda — Fake Testicles Lawn Ornament Intensifies Neighbor Feud

Whether it’s over parties that are too loud, dogs that bark in the middle of the night or some crazy Christmas lights display, disputes between neighbors are just another part of living where you live. But leave it to a Tonawanda resident to take things to a whole new level with a very…er, “member”-able…lawn ornament.

The Tonawanda News reported yesterday that back in June, Shirley Draper, who lives on Moulton Avenue, decided to add a new lawn ornament to  her yard. The problem? Oh, right — it’s shaped like a pair of testicles. And you thought those shiny colored balls (really, no pun intended) your neighbors in Cheektowaga put out were obnoxious!

The statue is in Draper’s backyard, so it’s technically not causing any disturbance — except to her neighbors, the Dilibertos, who can see the ornament out their window. But when Peter Diliberto called Town of Tonawanda police to complain, they told him they couldn’t do anything about it because the statue isn’t considered illegal.

“[Attorneys have] specifically said that [fake testicles ornaments] aren’t considered illegal on vehicles because they are not obscene by the definition of the word,” Lt. Nick Bado told The News. “In this case, it was private property as well.”

So rather than take legal action, the Dilibertos retaliated in their own special way: They took a photo of the fake testicles and put up a laminated sign of the picture, facing Draper’s house. The News reports that Draper tore the sign down on July 4 and will be served a criminal summons for fourth-degree criminal mischief and trespassing for doing so.

The neighbors have allegedly been feuding for years, so my personal theory is that Draper decided to use the lawn ornament to send a message. After all, it’s rude to call your neighbor a part of the male anatomy to his face; do it with a statue, and it’s just really freakin’ funny.