Though there's plenty of frustration during Black Friday shopping madness, and though you may find yourself wanting to go postal waiting in long checkout lines, let's not forget our manners. Here are a few things I recommend NOT doing while you're shopping today; although hilarious, they could get you in trouble.

  • Don't yell: "Look out for the stampede!" "FIRE!" "ANARCHY!!!" etc. etc.
  • Don't try and get a date: "Is that a deal in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?")
  • Don't swear: "Give me that you [insert any number of words here]!!!"
  • Don't sing Christmas carols. People will eat you alive.
  • Don't take on the madness like a contact sport. Leave your sports equipment at home (you can buy some in the store anyways).
  • Don't punch Santa, his elves or anyone else for that matter.
  • Don't lay down and make "snow angels" in the aisles.
  • Don't drink before and/or during shopping. Just wait until you get home.
  • Don't start "decking the halls" in the store, as someone may just deck you.
  • Don't bring grenades, pepper spray or knives to the store. It's not sane or very nice!